Lots of people struggle with feeling ok about themselves.
I have discovered that sometimes this is because things are really difficult. Life can be very painful, unpredictable and confusing. It takes a lot of time to learn how to be present and engaged when things are unclear or don’t feel good. A lot of frustration, anger or just bad feelings can come up in response to everyday situations. When we aren’t feeling good about the life circumstances we are in -even if it’s something small like being stuck in traffic- its hard to feel good in general, and this extends to how we feel about ourselves. So finding a way to develop more empathy for ourselves in dealing with all of these small frustrations and difficulties is important.
I frequently hear clients dismiss what’s difficult for them. A common response is to compare themselves to other people. If it isn’t (or doesn’t appear to be) challenging to others, why is it challenging for me? This is where a lot of shoulds come in: “I shouldn’t get frustrated at my child”, “I should find it easier to focus on my work” etc. Or clients compare themselves to people in worse situations as a way of justifying why it’s not appropriate for them to have negative reactions.
We all have negative reactions. I have stopped judging myself so harshly after recognizing that I mostly always have these responses when I’m feeling overwhelmed or at capacity in some way. The reaction I’m having is an important indicator that I need to slow down and take care of myself. Sometimes this might happen ten times in one day. Maybe something is feeling tender and I just need to support myself in being present and taking extra good care of myself.
I want to support you in also not judging your reactions but trying to be nice to yourself. It’s totally OK for you to be having the responses you’re having and it doesn’t mean anything bad about you at all.